10 People I Wanna Kick In The Nuts (Zak Bagans is a tool)
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I've been threatening this hub for a long time, so here it is. It all started out with a single dude I couldn't stand, and I was constantly saying how bad I wanted to kick him in the scrote. The more I got to thinking about it, the more I realized there was more than just one dude I wanted to kick in the scrote, and I can't possibly be alone in this. So make a single file line, put on your cleats, and get ready to go ball bashing!
I've numbered them from the least hated to the most hated - 10 being a slight graze to the nuts and 1 being total testicle annihilation.
#10 Ken Shamrock
What a douche. This man's ego is bigger than the reputation he has for being a dillhole. This man is a tool. I can't stand to watch him fight, unless he's getting his whiny a$$ knocked out. The reason I can't stand him (and I know there are a lot of Shamcock fans out there, oh well) is because he has no respect for anyone. He thinks he is the best there is, and that isn't even close to true! It wasn't even true when he was in his prime. Royce Gracie beat that a$$ with some jiu jitsu and Shamrock went off and cried about it! BOO HOO HOO
Is he a fighter? Is he a wrestler? Neither. He's a d!ckhead.
It's time we rare back and kick him in the nuggets.
#9 The Dude From Yo-Gabba-Gabba
Because no grown man should ever wear spandex. EVER!!!
Now I uderstand that he is paid to do this job, be he is the most annoying individual in children's television. It's not even the man himself I can't stand, it's the character he portrays. I can't stand the show just because of this guy. And has anyone else noticed that one of his little play-pals looks a lot like a french tickler?
#8 Ellen Degeneres
I do not find her funny. As a matter of fact, I find her sense of humor very bland and boring. Her personality is quite abrasive to me, too. I couldn't be in the room with this woman for more than five minutes without wanting to throw her out. Literally. I'm sorry, I can't stand Ellen. She's overrated as a comedienne, and I think people are just trying to show how accepting they are of the gay culture by keeping her on the airwaves. SHE IS NOT FUNNY!!! And I know I'm not alone in thinking this.
However, I did like her as Dory in Finding Nemo. One funny stint out of a thousand does not a true comedian make.
And I know, technically, she does not have nuts. But it's really a figure of speech anyway. So whatever. There will be more chicks on here, I assure you.
#7 Rachel Ray
Again, I know, she doesn't technically have nuts. But I absolutely cannot stand her. I would surgically attach a set of testicles to her just so I could kick her in them. I WOULD!
She's annoying, abrasive, and should never be allowed in public again. Every time I hear "E-V-O-O" I wanna scream. Her voice is horrible and gravelly and I'm always waiting for her to clear her throat. What the hell? Marlboros and whiskey for breakfast and a 30 minute meal for supper? And to top it all off, I don't like anything she cooks. So Myeah!
#6 Pink
One more chick before I get back to the real testicles. Even though I would swear this chick really does have testicles. And I can honestly say I don't know why I can't stand her. I just can't. Some things you can't put your finger on.
Whatever.
#5 Dennis Rodman
LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!! Who am I? That's right - Dennis Rodman. Give it up, dude, you were over before you began. It's so sad that this dude became famous for his talent, then became a total douche.
When you're watching a celebrity or quasi-celebrity acting out, you generally think "oh, this dude's only doing this to get attention". I thought that until I watched this a$$hole on Celebrity Rehab. Now I think he really is one of the biggest a$$hats to ever walk. Or rebound, or marry himself, or cause his own demise, whatever. I need a chair to kick him in the nuts, so someone grab me one.
#4 Brock Lesnar
Again with the ego. You'd think there would be more of this in MMA, but it really isn't that prevalent. Sure they talk shit before fights, but usually after the fights they congratulate each other and show great sportsmanship.
Not this dude. He acts like a nimrod. A class 'A' douchebag. This is one person I can pinpoint exactly why I want to smash his nuts.
Lesnar started out as an amateur wrestler, and he was great at it. He went on to further his career by wrestling for the WWE, and was also great at it. I had no problem with him while he was a professional wrestler, even though the 'undefeated' thing had become a little stale with Goldberg.
In '04 he left WWE to try his hand at professional football, and was cut pretty quickly from the team (Minnesota Vikings). Since he obviously SUCKED at football, he started wrestling for New Japan Pro Wrestling.
Which is all fine and dandy, but then he had to try his hand at MMA. He first fought for K-1 and won the first (and only) match with them due to a knockout.
UFC picked him up and here is where my hatred for him grows. In '08, Lesnar made his UFC debut against Frank Mir. Mir easily submitted him using a kneebar in the first round.
The next UFC fight was supposed to be against Mark Coleman, but he had to withdraw due to injury, so Heath Herring stepped up to the challenge. Unfortunately, Lesnar won the fight by decision.
This is what pisses me off. After only THREE fights in MMA, this bastidge was offered a shot at the heavyweight title. There are men that have been training and preparing for that day for a lifetime, and he just steps in and is handed the chance. It isn't fair and I despise him for it.
Not only this, but after his fights he acts like a d!ckhead. A total a$$. I hate his post fight commentary because he is such a dillhole. I just despise this dude so much.
Kinda makes you wonder who made number 1, huh?
#3 Danny Bonaduce
Or should I say, Danny Bona "DOUCHEBAG". There is no end to the hate I have for this man.
He has an ego, he is a jerk, his voice is like gravel in a wound. I can't stand to watch him, I can't stand to hear his voice. If he comes on the television or radio - CLICK. It's almost like I think I can make him disappear if I click the channel quickly enough.
Unfortunately, he never seems to go away. I would love to OBLITERATE this man's testicles. With a pair of stilettos.
#2 Carson Daley
I can honestly say this was a total toss up between number two and number one. For as long as I can remember, I've despised Carson Daley. From TRL to Carson Daley Live - he is a douche with lasting effects. He is awful. Gah.
This calls for a special pair of shoes, one with little blades that pop out from the tips of the toes.
#1 Zak Bagans
Well, I was going to start out calling him Zak "Douche" Bagans, but by glory of a type-o, I also came up with Sak Bagans. You know, like nutsack? Whatever.
He's on a show called "Ghost Adventures" that comes on the Travel Channel. It's a cheesy knockoff of one of my favorite shows, "Ghost Hunters". Except with a douchebag leader and two peons that bend to his every whim.
He's constantly getting possessed. He always yells at the dudes that are helping him, and he generally overexaggerates every single thing that "happens". He's very, very annoying.
So, for this occasion, I say gimme my sh!tk!ckers and stand back. I'm gonna get a running start on this one. ;)
More to come?
Thus concludes my hub on those who are beggin for a nut smasher. The problem I've had with writing this hub is the fact that the list kept growing and growing. So here's a start.
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Couldn't agree more about Ellen... I've tried watching her show a few times and really don't get what the audience is screaming about! Sometimes it looks like she's about to say something funny and the audience cracks up, she doesn't follow it up and the audience still cracks up. It's like their thinking, "Ellen sure is funny, she's so funny she doesn't even need to say anything funny, we just know she's funny." And what is she doing on Idol?
Wow what list. kick away..lol
I don't know most of them, but you appear to be a person of selective taste :-)
tantrum, thanks for reading! with a lot of these people, i can't quite figure out what it is about them that rubs me the wrong way, but they seem like they could benefit from a good swift kick in the nether region! ; )
S H, i know! that's my point exactly! and when i found out she was going to be the next Idol judge i could not, for the life of me, figure out WHY??? thanks for stopping by! : )
entertainment, feel free to help me out! thanks for reading! : )
De Greek, i like to think so, anyway! there's probably a good reason you don't know most of them. they're horrible. lol!!! thanks for reading! : )
I forgot about Danny Bonaduce. Even if he has been an angel for the last ten years, he deserves a swift kick just for the way he used to act.
Dennis Rodman would probably just enjoy it, unfortunately, but I'll bring the chair anyway.
Mike
lol! i'll be looking forward to that! i made the mistake of watching danny bonaduce's reality show once, and the way he treated his wife (now ex-wife) made me so mad i could have bit nails into. dennis rodman has always been on my "most despised" list. so glad these folks irritate others as much as they do me. thanks for reading! : )
I'm glad I don't even know who two of those people are.
ok one of the best hubs I think I've ever read
bravo girl
xo
kimberly
hardinflash, i wish i didn't know of most of them. :P
kimberly, wow, thanks! i take it you're waiting in line with the rest of us? : )
Yup - your list is almost identical to mine. Only one thing -- the Yo Gabba Gabba dude is top on my list.
this is probably the greatest hub title I've ever seen .....
and the content is of course just world class humor and wit.
I love your attitude, irreverence and bravado!
good god I FEEL like Little RICHARD when I READ your hubs - and there's good rockin' tonite!!!!
Tacky written well! Very funny!
Where's Jon Gosselin?!
Thanks for commenting, everyone!
Franny, yeah, yeah you're right. I may have to make another list... : )
That is some list that you've put together there. You forgot to mention the giant tattoo of a c@ck shooting a bloody load on Brock's chest. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, but just come out and tell everyone that you are gay already....
still the greatest hub title of all time - and content too - makes me wanna get really wild with my writing - do you think that could be done?
Non-offensive!!! LMFAO!!!! My theory is he's a walking steroid. I'm hoping Shane Carwin will finally knock him off his pedastal, and I'm going to throw a "Brock is gay and Brock got beat" party.
epigramman, of course you should get wild with your writing!! I've read several of your hubs and I know you could do it. Your imagination knows no bounds. : ) I'll read it, too.
Although I don't know who your #1 Zak "Douche" Bagan I got a kick out of the other ones. How can you not click on a link that says, "10 people i want to kick in the nuts"! Great Stuff!
Thanks for commenting MMA! The number one guy, Zak Bagans is the epitome of that guy you hated in high school and college. Trust me, you should be happy you don't know who he is! My husband watches that stupid show each week, and I'm forced to writhe with hatred each time that douche opens his mouth. : )
Bahaha, what a hilarious Hub! I'm glad I only know a few of those in your list.
And seriously? Your husband watches Ghost Adventures? I don't know it specifically, but the ghost hunting shows I've browsed seemed ridiculously stupid. Filled with ghost detectors devices and "scary" scenes - I mean common!
I think the only person I would add to that list is Bear Grylls. God what an annoying person.
Thank you for stopping by, mrpopo. My old man watches all the ghost shows, even though they scare the sh*t out of him. It's actually kind of funny, cuz I can mess with him after he's watched it. It's too easy!
I totally agree with Bear Grylls being incredibly annoying! I think a lot of the times he's being disgusting for the sake of being disgusting. I watched that show maybe once, then never again.
i think the funniest thing about this entire hub is that the amazon links are to peaNUTS. HAHAHhahahaha. amazing. plus, zak bagans does need a swift kick to the sak bagans. :)
Ew I too would like to kick them in the nuts, well all but two... great laugh thanks a good friday addition!
tabitha, I thought that would be a nice little addition to the hub, so glad you liked it! I'll share my sh*tkickers with you just so you can kick Zac Bagans properly. : D Thanks for reading!
katiem, I'd love to know which two you wouldn't wanna kick... thanks for stopping by and commenting! : )
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......
hahahahahahahahahahahahah.....
hahahahahahahahaha.....
hahahahah...
Nut smashing ahoy!!!
:) Glad you enjoyed it, waynet!
Well, I'm not on the list. Give it time.
Hey Becca-I must agree that Rachael Rae is one of the most annoying personalities I've ever seen.
I think I'd place her a bit closer in the nut-busting category to #1!
On the other hand, you do have Danny Bonaduce placed perfectly!
Fun Hub!
LOL Brill Hub
Well, it's good to see women included, I'm just trying to work out where there nuts are? :-) I agree with that character from the kids programme, what is that all about, I haven't heard of the others
best
Mick
Haha, I agree with every single one except NUMBER one Zak Bagans. I watch Ghost Adventures, Ghost Lab, Ghost Hunters, and pretty much every ghost show and I tape them all... But ghost adventures is my favorite because it is hilarious! You've got 3 frat guys getting locked in overnight who jump at every little noise, taunt ghosts, and say 'dude' and 'omigod' and 'bro' every five seconds. I used to think Zak Bagans was annoying too, but I now find all three lovable in their own comical way. Aaron is my favorite though. That guy is just hilarious every time!
I also call Zak Bagans "Sak Bagans." Bagans is led with a hard A like the word BAG. It's BAGans, not BAYgans like he pronounces it on the show. It is nice to find another genius exists.
I just randomly found this and LOVE your list. Zak is my #1 too. Ironically, my husband ended up working on a set of his recently when they were in our area and HE even said that his mere presense (in person!) invokes a strange violent urge to destroy him. Ugh I skeeve him.
come on seriously that's not a good list. i can understand #4 and #10 lot of those mma guys can be full of themselves though some are really awesome, but I happen to like zak bagans a lot actually even if he exaggerates over the evps sometimes and from what i've read he's only been possessed once. As for rachel ray I can understand but i don't mind her really, ellen's funny but my opinion really and well #9 was just amusing as hell i actually feel terrible for the guy though he's got one of the worst jobs ever (that don't involve manuel S**t digging or something mind you) but honestly the only you mentioned that personally knew really really well and agreed with you on was dennis rodman cause he is a douchebag.
Well, ummm... I suppose it's a good thing I didn't title the piece "10 People YOU Want to Kick in the Nuts", huh? But everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I happen to despise all these television and sports personalities. And your MMA comment about some guys being awesome - I totally agree. I am one of the biggest MMA fans alive. I just happen to despise Ken Shamrock because he's an asshole. And I happen to think Brock Lesnar is a douche. : ) Thank you for commenting.
omg I love this. Zak Bagans is a super douche if there ever was one. I believe joe mchale has dubbed him "Scooby Douche". While you are kicking him in the nuts could you please slap that stupid duck face off of his head? I can't take anymore of his pursed lips in every photo.
becca - love the hub! love your name too! ;) the only person that was left out was BRET "lord of the douches" MICHAELS... speaking of pursed lips!!! i mean, where do i begin?! the bandana, the extensions, the lip gloss, the permanently pursed lips, the eyeliner, the douchey "affliction-ish" shirts, the rock of love skanks... i can only imagine what's under that bandana of his! he is on tv way too much & every time i see him, i throw up a little in my mouth.
im sorry but how do you have any right to call zak bagans a douche? dumb bitch he is one of the nicest people i know and most down to earth and guess what he doesnt sit aound like you talking shit about people.he has his own tv show and career...get a fucking life
Uh, dude you're all wrong. Everyone one else but Zak Bagans is a douche bag. Zak Bagans kicks major ass!!!!
Lauren, not a problem. I'd thoroughly enjoy that.
becca, props on the name! ;) I don't despise Brett Michaels, but I don't worship him either. I, too, would love to know what he's hiding underneath that bandana... Syphilis?
haters, the right I have to call Zak "Douche" Bagins a douche is the right to freedom of speech. Loosely defined, it means I am free to speak (and write) as I wish without censorship. You should look into it. As for calling me a dumb bitch, perhaps I could take that insult more seriously if you could use proper punctuation and capitilization. Have a great day and thanks for the traffic! ;)
MeMan, again, there's a reason it's titled 10 people I (emphasis on I) want to kick in the nuts. Thanks for stopping by!
Recently stumbled upon this page after seeing a part of that show on the travel channel. When I googled "zak bagans is"... of course the first google option that came up was "a douche," exactly what I intended to type. Anyways this guy has no respect for people (dead or alive) and makes it obvious to the public that he is a meathead on his show. "Oh thanks for improving our history and stuff" - douchebagans trying to fake respect for someone on an episode of Ghost Adventures.
The basic nature of Ellen's humor IS what makes her funny. She's not showy. Her humor is full of wit. On the rest of the people, I can agree.
You are the tool and need kicked in the nuts. Retards, all u can do is post shit talk, can't handle ur boring "hub life" so u have to dis on people who have actually put themselves out there and done something successful or at least took the risk, u sound like a little sniveling nosed pussy ass bitch that is 35 still a virgin living at ur parent's writing stupid shit online and playing world of Warcraft. Baa hahahah. Get a life scrote licker.
Your stupid i love ellen and zack bagans (no homo there) but seriously i know that the whole country would beat you on a long shot on that vote so back off lady pinks an amazing singer and you probley have no friends because ure to buissy hating on them get a life bich
U r crazy! Zak is fine as hell & Ellen is hilarious!
First of all Idgaf about the others but when I saw Zak, all I have to say is Fuck You :) Kay? Kay
Jesus crust man ,what the f*** is UR problem my guess is ur a jealous person of these celebraties c'mon like Ellen degeneres and zac bagan u crossing my line :P #Not COOL
O.O damn. I agree with ALMOST all of them. Yeah, you're entitled to you're own opinion, but jeezz
I'd like to add one person to your list: YOU. You come across as bratty and socially insecure. Do come out of your high school stance, dear; time to grow up.
Well...I guess if I didn't have a life and had time to write a vitriolic hate-a-festo it would be BeccaHubbardWoods is a Homely Bitter Skank..
Zak Bagans is FINE. Tell ya what...YOU get YOUR own show and get back to me. Makeup!!!
You are stupid! I should kick you
Haters, If you new Becca, you would understand. She is freaking hillarious with her own thoughts unlike others who have to get someone elses opinion before they place their thoughts so back off haters!!!
Oh my, it does my heart good to see you people taking up for your heroes so often. What I'm really laughing about is the fact that these pathetic people are your heroes... I stand by what I say, and I always will. So I guess since you've all hurt my feelings so bad, I'll go back to my parents' basement and cry my 35 year old, virgin, bitter, homely, skank self to sleep.
One more thing - PLEASE LEARN TO SPELL AND USE PUNCTUATION. At this point, I hope the Mayans are right about 2013...
tantrum 2 years ago
LOL! what a bunch of morons !! thanks for the laughs !! Good hub ! :)